I am documenting some early experiences, that confirmed to me that what we call the latihan was real. The first experience happened during my first year, and there were witnesses. I lived in the suburbs of Colombo City on the southside, there were many Subud members from this area.
Aubrey had an old Standard British car and five of us used to pile into the car and go for latihan. This particular day Aubrey was late from work and he asked me to go and pick up a couple who lived further south, while he took a shower. I got into the car, and his wife Miriam joined me. It was raining, and as we drove it became a heavy tropical thunder-shower by the time we picked up the couple.
On our return trip I had to drive slowly as vision was poor and the street was full of water. As I was overtaking a Double Decker bus that was parked at a junction to pick up passengers, I was very relaxed when suddenly it seemed without any reason or thought on my part, my feet and hands became alive. This car had manual stick shift, I moved the the gear to neutral and slammed the brake and clutch peddles. The car stopped just at the point where I would have overtaken the bus. Miriam asked, "Why did you stop?" At that moment a man ran in front of the bus to cross the road. I was then aware of the latihan, and observed how calm I felt. Ravindra - in the back seat - did not say a word, it is certain that if I had kept driving there would have been an accident the nature of of which we cannot know. One thing is certain, five people would have missed latihan that day. On our way home Ravindra asked me, "Robert, what made you stop the car?" My answer saying I had not used my normal faculties satisfied him.
A few years later, I was working at a radio receiving station situated in the middle of a rubber estate. We worked in shifts and often those who worked the afternoon shift, worked again in the morning. Sometimes I used the facilities there and slept overnight, then worked the next morning shift and went home in the early afternoon. On this day I finished my afternoon shift and walked to the sleeping quarters, I was carrying my dinner in one hand and the key to the door in the other hand - my left (being a lefty). I was looking forward to turning on the radio and listening to some music. Normally we carried a flashlight, but it was missing, and I didn't bother to look for it.
This building had a small, half-walled verandah, and a wooden door, the top half of which was latticed. I moved my hand forward to insert the key into the lock by feel since I couldn't clearly see the lock in the dark - the keyhole was barely visible - when a strange thing happened. As I attempted to move my hand forward it kept on moving sideways and backwards. I could feel the latihan now, so I moved away and returned to the workplace and borrowed a flashlight from a security guard and returned. With the flashlight, I could not believe what I saw.
About two feet above the key hole there was snake of the viper family, coiled around the lattice resting comfortably. I ran back and returned with the security guard who had an old single barrel shotgun, but the snake was gone. What could have happened is speculation, I leave it to the reader.
Over the years, I found that my hands were sometimes sensitive enough to guide me. I come from a sporting family whose members excelled in one sport or another. My parents where excellent tennis players who enjoyed the game well into their forties. When we moved to California, and my elder son showed an interest in playing soccer, I got him into a soccer team that was coached by a Brazilian man. Being no stranger to the game, I used to step in if he couldn't make it to practice. One day he simply went missing, and I was asked by the youth league if I could carry on for the balance of the season. I accepted and finished out the season - and changed the training a bit by reverting to the British style of play.
In the following year the league asked me if I could coach the same team, which now moved into an older age group, and in accepting the challenge I wondered if I had 'grabbed the tiger by the tail'. But here is the real story - most of the coaches in the youth league had some kind of soccer background, and soon we found our feet were itching and we agreed to have a Sunday pickup game. in the beginning only two teams, but soon that grew to four teams, as we now introduced friends, and formed an over-thirty soccer league, and had to follow FIFA rules.
Being a natural lefty I always played on the left side of the field. While playing one Sunday in those early years, I received the ball in the mid-field, and as I raced down the line on the left side and passed the ball to the center forward, he in turn passed it back to me, and it would have been my job to time it and set him up for a goal. I was good at this - being a lefty - but he had stopped running! Seeing him stopped - I froze for moment - then relaxed... to this day all I remember is how my left foot came alive, it played the ball, and the ball was flying towards the goal but heading outside the far post. What I did not realise at that time was that I had played the ball from the outside of my left foot, so when the ball hit the ground it curved into the goal! A reverse banana! For me there was just silence, I was absolutely calm with no elation. I could feel the latihan gently. The opposing goalie started to clap, he was an Italian immigrant and recognised "El Clasico", all other players on the field were younger than me. Still completely detached from the game I raised my hand to acknowledge the clapping by both teams.
Yes, the Latihan is quite amazing and where and when it will show up we do not know.
There are many more experiences like the above that came my way in those early years and there is enough to fill a book. There is one more I like to add, as it has a great lesson for all and shows how we can fall by the way side even after receiving undeniable proof of the Latihan.
This is early 1961, I had been made a helper recently, and turned up for helpers Latihan on Friday pretty early. and was seated in a garden chair just relaxing.
In walked a fellow who looked in his late forties, well dressed with neck tie. What follows is the conversation that followed - from my memory that can remember faces but names keep fading.
He walked up to me and without any preliminaries fired a question, and I will put it down in Question and Answer form for ease.
Q. Is this the Subud place where I can get it ?
A. The answer came very slowly, yes this is the Subud House. can I help you?
Q. I want to meet someone who can give it to me right now.
A. Well, there is a waiting period of three months.
I do not have time to wait was the instant reply, I came to get it right now and need to meet someone who can do it.
Q. After awhile, Is there some one else whom I can meet today and get it done ?
The look he gave said it all ! Young fellow you do not know what you are talking about.
No, this is not working
I started relaxing.
A. Just wait, some helpers will be here soon.
I let go and relaxed more, here is nut, I did not want to crack !
Q, Who are these helpers ?
A. They are senior members who are Authorised to open new members.
Q. I do not want to get opened ! I want to get it tonight.
A. OK that is fine, just relax and someone will be here soon and more relaxing on my part.
Yah, I will do that, U guys need to get organised, nearly half an hour has gone by.
My salvation arrives in the form of Joppa/Joe and I feel a great sense relief. The right man at the right time. lets see how Joe will handle this. I walked up to Joe's car and before he got off I said , Joe there is a fellow who wants to get it right now. I winked and said, he says right now.
Joe walked up to the fellow and introduced himself and said I understand you want to join Subud,
We have a meeting soon at 8 pm and cannot put it off for you, I am willing to talk to you if you are still here when I come out. That will about 9. 30 pm or before. Just stay where you are or go out and have a cup of tea and return. otherwise Sunday morning 10 am.
When we came out after latihan the man was still there. Joe and another helper talked to him.
After awhile they came back and said - this fellow is either in a crisis or got opened by accident.
Let us test. We all tested and decided to open him that night. It was obvious he had been opened by accident or did I pass the contact in spite of all that had happened?
There is little more to this story. X we found out worked for UPI as a reporter and heard about Subud on the grapevine. Only got little information about Subud.
Soon he brought his wife to Subud and she was opened shortly. A few months later she got pregnant and she was over forty but was overjoyed. All their married life they had tried to have children without success. they had consulted the best of Western educated Doctors, Native ones and even Astrologers. Then had given up as nothing worked.
A miracle baby boy was born. Life for X was on easy street, and his outer life went well and he was very regular at latihan.Suddenly he had job offer from the org. To work for UPI in Bangkok. It meant a big change in his life with a lot of material comforts. He accepted the job and moved to Thailand.
I tuned up in Bangkok in 1968 or 1969. He invited me home and had a dinner party specially for me. He was doing well in his job and was paid well.
Latihan now, was a question of time and convenience ! His wife informed me that he was drinking alcohol a lot, and went out with friends almost every night.
Subud journey is never easy. We are tested before we move forward.
LATER YEARS
Like the light of the Sun that follows the darkness of the night, my later years had much deeper experience in the spiritual realm and I can zero on the time period when life changed dramatically, the first experience happened in September 1987. Almost thirty years after I first received the Latihan. It happened during Latihan with the group and it was such a powerful experience, if words can convey it. I felt that this was the nature of true surrender or I had surrendered fully for the first time, I could sense the clear separation between the inner and outer. While doing my latihan I found myself prostrated on the ground and it was a movement I followed in my latihan. Everything happened in slow motion, and I waited for awhile and felt I should return to standing position, but the inner force felt strong, I needed to stay there more and more, so I stayed in the prostrated position on my knees and forehead touching the ground for a long time. The latihan was very strong, again I tried to get up and this time I could do it with ease and the only thing I can add is that I experienced the immensity of the latihan and as we were leaving the latihan hall one member said that the latihan was very strong today.
The next day I had a strange feeling, a strong feeling that death was near at hand, and I first mentioned it to Reynard who was my neighbor and Subud brother. Again at the Subud house I mentioned this to another Subud brother and both suggested the same thing. Why don't you make a last will and I did exactly that, just in case my feelings turn out to be true. However, the question of immediate demise seems not to concern me too much. I noticed a change, more of a inner change where I was willing to accept things calmly.
Later by strange coincidence, while talking about the whole experience to a trusted and very senior member, I found that he too had experienced a similar experience and Bapak had explained to him that this is from the spiritual realm, something had died inside him and this is why he felt he was going to die. BYM was not with us anymore, I left it alone and life now seems to go smoothly. I really stopped worrying about the future and one by one everything in my life and even those close to me fell into place. It seems, everything I needed came my way, though not the way I wanted! Events in my work place and home life changed in a way I could not have foreseen. Our outer life never remains the same, and it almost seems, I have a different kind of courage now to face life the way it unfolds itself.
There are many things that happen in our life after we have received the latihan that has no meaning at the the time it happens but have meaning or gives directions later. Often members have extraordinary dreams but interpreting is not easy. Many times in my life I have had experiences, sometimes the meaning comes overnight. I once had an experience where the meaning or understanding arrived within a few hours.
My wife and I was watching TV after dinner which was very normal for us, we retired around ten to eleven PM. This day I was feeling a gentle Latihan and I let it happen. when it was time to retire for the day, my wife said she is sleepy and left but I stayed on as I was wide awake. The latihan continued and around one pm I decided to go to bed. Yet sleep would not come and I was lying next to my wife and she was fast asleep . I was still feeling the Latihan, It must have been between two and three PM, I heard Bapak's familiar voice clear as a bell, and he said finish and repeated finish again. I jumped out of the bed expecting to see Bapak but there was no Bapak. There was no uncertainty about the voice.
Seven thirty in the morning a Subud sister called me to inform that her mother had passed away around three PM. Her Mother Parami, was a Subud icon and a founder member of the Colombo group and had played a major role in the growth and development of the group. A few years ago she and I had served as the K C's of the group at same time. I had known her from the day I joined Subud and her last words were prophetic " All my family and friends want me to hang around and are trying to keep me alive, but its time to go". This was proof for me that Bapak's presence is real even though he has passed away.
We can also receive messages in vision form, again interpreting gets difficult. Sometimes another person can give us clues. The spiritual world is real but enormous and beyond our normal understanding and using our mind can lead us astray. Spiritual understanding comes with time and normally comes in many forms, we suddenly have understanding of what has been a hidden mystery before. it is clear as day light and we ask, how come we did not see this before. What has happened is an internal change where our inner understanding has changed through the process of the latihan. We can say our inner is now open and spiritual clarity trickles in.
We must be clear about one aspect, Each person will experience and have different experiences, rarely the same as each individual is different. We have different ancestors and our capacity is different at a given time. The best experiences come when we least expect it. We should be aware of this all the time. From my understanding, the influence of the ancestors in our spiritual life is much larger than what we had conceived before.
